Nobody Likes You When You're Twenty Three!

Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And you still act like you’re in freshmen year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again? What’s my age again?
-What’s My Age Again (Blink 182)-

That was one of the songs I used to listen back then in my high school age. When all the things that matter were “that basketball captain and guitarist boy is drop dead gorgeous” or “that girl’s got a fancy bag I should immediately buy a new bag too”, scheming to skip class with the whole classmates, feeling like the coolest kid in town if I could take daddy’s car to school, whining all day because of mommy wouldn’t allow me to go out at night, and wondering where I’m gonna be when I turn 23.

Well, I’m now 23 already. You know what, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately in front of my netbook, googling the keyword “quarter life crisis” and scrolling through the symptoms:
Are you in a "funk" where you feel like nothing is terribly wrong, but nothing seems right either? Check.
Do you ever feel that time is running out in regards to figuring out your career and deciding whether you want to get married and/or have children? Check.
Do you feel that you have failed because you don't know what you want to do with your life, or do you know what you want to do but can't seem to make it work? Check.
Do you frequently compare yourself to other people your age and feel like you don't measure up? Check.
Are you thinking about going back to grad school because you don't know what else to do with your life? Check.
Is your life just not at all turning out like you planned? Check.

A-ha! I’m officially in quarter life crisis. Quite funny that it doesn’t freak me out (too much), it’s just a phase in this so-called-life and it’s completely normal and I’m going to get through it, I daresay.

Well, 2009 has been the toughest year ever to me. But I’ve learned a lot this year. I’ve learned that “indah pada waktunya” is such a magic spell (but still, waiting is sucks big time, especially when we have no idea when the time will come while we’re repeatedly told to be patient and keep the faith). I’ve learned that we can’t have everything in life. We just can’t. Life is all about choices and we have to choose, and sometimes we have to sacrifice something for an even greater good. I’ve learned that life is, indeed, beautiful, so don’t be a drama queen (or king) and sweat small stuff. I’ve learned that our future lies in our own hand, not in anyone else’s, so have the guts to take a stand, make a move! It’s between who we are and who we could be, it’s between how it is and how it should be.

And I’m pretty much sure that the best is yet to come.

Happy birthday to me! :)

PS: For those of you who would want to give me presents, books will do, and I’ll make things easier by putting my wish list here (hehehee…):

• Anything by Pramoedya Ananta Toer except Larasati and Perawan Remaja dalam Cengkeraman Militer. I already have them.
• Hujan Bulan Juni by Sapardi Djoko Damono
• Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (the original one)
• 9 dari Nadira by Leila S. Chudori
• The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger (the original one)